Re: Thoughts,Ver. 1.0

I really wonder how much of it is my fault. I wonder and worry that when the time goes by, that my wife will come to some realization that I caused her loss friendships. In all accounts of my actions, I have taken responsibility for what I've said and or done to make them feel alienated, but that's all I can do. I know now I will be forever marked by them, and no matter what I do or say, it will be in vain. Its amazing how quickly they all forget that unlike any of the men from Syd's past, I am the only one to take on the responsibility of father for her child. They have forgotten the wonderful things I have done and continue to do for her. Will they ever remember those? No. They don't care. They've been wronged, and they're taking all the blood they can, even if it ruins any chance of salvaging friendships.

I feel terrible right now that my wife is now in a similar situation as me: no close friends living nearby, and no social outlets to escape the monatany that can be the daily family routine. I feel guilt, but the question is why do I? I know my actions on one night have defined me, but I took every responsible action to resolve the situation. I can do no more.

I also know that I have been over protective of my wife and tried to do her battles for her.....and I simply cannot do that anymore.

Do I regret my actions? Yes. Can I change them? No.

What I do not understand is that they have been attacking Syd instead of me. She has no control over my actions, how can she be held liable?

There are three parts to the cause of this mess:
1. My actions on one evening have branded me. They have guilted Syd by association. This is a shame.

2. Sydney's issues with how her "friends that she has been through so much with" have never been there for her when it matters (her opinion...I wasn't there, so I do not know.) The example given is the knowledge of her pregancy, and how everyone then ostracized for being pregnant. one "friend" could not stand to see her, since she had miscarried a short while previously, and thus every social engagement this friend was present to, Syd was not invited to prevent this. One friend was the one who organized said social engagements, and told her not to come.
thus she was alone going through a pregnancy, alone in providing for a child working a job paying 7.75 an hour with no reprieve and or comfort from her friends.....the ones who should have been there to help her move in with her parents, who should have been there to listen...none of them were.

3. Because of Syd's issues in number, and her changed attitudes and priorities, she has disassociated herself from them so that she will not be enagaged in argument and or fighting with them. While this does avoid conflict, it does nothing to resolve the issues, either. She is a proud and stubborn woman, and b/c of this she has not reached out as many (including myself) have recommend that she do.


Only time will tell if she regrets this decision, or holds me accountable for the loss of her friends. Right now I know I have played my part, but the underlying problems between the "friends" and Sydney are the real cause here, I have only brought those out in the open through my poor choice in action.

God help me to get over this, god help my wife to forgive, and the same plea is made to her friends who have been lost from the circle of Ka.


Jasper