Re: Being a Dad

Two days ago I was tested by my son in every way. I have always been stern with him, thanks to my upbringing, and on this day I was stern with him yet again due to his constant disobeying. On four different occasions I told him to stay out of our tenants room (which is right across from his), that the room was hers since she paid rent for it, and that she gets the same respect and consideration that he does with his room. Despite this, I found him once again in her room talking to her, which in itself is not a bad thing; he wasn't doing anything wrong to her. However, he was yet again not listening to what I told him to do. So I spanked him. It hurts me everytime I resort to the belt, but sometimes I feel that is what it takes to get through to him. My frustration lingered into the evening hours, and the time came for Nic to go to bed.

After putting him down for bed, I was in my bedroom on the computer while Sydney was watchinig TV. Nic came downstairs and opened our door claiming he could not sleep. I was furious with him, and told him to get his little bottom back in the bed. I followed him upstairs and smacked him on the butt as we ascended. I told him to get back in bed without hesitation, and didnt even ask him why he couldn't sleep.

I went back downstairs, and not two minutes later he was up again. Back up the stairs we went. this time I did make the effort to ask why he couldn't sleep....and he said it was due to the lack of light. Mind you he has a night light, but for some reason this would not suffice for him. I closed the door and turned on the hall light, and went back down.

I came up to check on him a few minutes later, and there he was with the door open sitting up in his bed. I nearly came to the point of boiling with him, but stopped and asked what was wrong and why the light in the hallway wasnt enough for him.

His response was a bit shocking, but even more shocking was the genuine horror on his face when he told me:

"I can't stop thinking about dead things dad (begins to cry), and I dont know WHY!"

My fury was gone in an instant and knew that no reasoning or logic would remove his fear. I removed my shoes, got in the bed with him, and held him for a while telling him that everything would be alright, that dad would not let anything happen to him. I laid there with him as he struggled to sleep. Lost in my own thoughts, and he in his, we drifted to sleep together.

God help me to remember the lesson of this day, that a dad must know that discipline may be needed throughout the day, but love and compassion are the ingredients of dreams.